It has been a really long time since I last typed anything into this space. Today is different, I want to improve on myself because 2011 is coming to an end.

April was the month I got to know everybody new. Maybe someone special is out there waiting for me. Around June, I accepted you. I had always thought to myself that I would never get into another relationship that will not last after my last. That left me in tears but I had only myself to blame. Maybe it is fate that others' are expected to tolerate my personality or rather a sign I should see that the world belongs to no one and that the sooner I do something about it, the longer I will survive.

Now, you told me before you dislike my attitude problem. When everybody else threw arrows at me, you never stood by me. You told me I am ridiculous and that you can not be bothered to entertain me. I was like what you described even before we got together. Since you disliked it, how could you use the word 'Love' to me?

I hated however you behaved. Secure was never my option being with you. What I want from you, I never know. Expectations lead to disappointments but you made me yours so is giving in to me that hard?

On many times, my words fell on deaf ears: To please save me from myself. Each time I did something unthinkable, you just left me feeling unwanted. That will never make me reflect on my wrongdoings. You left, I talked nicely, I forgave, you pleaded, I gave another chance- I thought this time you will change to love me as a whole. You did not.

Every month, I never remembered but at least I could be your priority for that day. Never have I ever been given that chance. Coming from you, there are no plans whatsoever. Everything had been decided impromptu. You treat your friends like kings and you treat me like a joker. All through till this day, who am I to you, really?